journal entry · Journaling

When LIFE Happens

All of May, and so far, all of June have proven to be very revealing months.

eyesAlthough, if I were to be completely honest, when New Year 2015 started I knew that something was going to change. I wasn’t all too sure what, but I knew that there would be change on the brink of my reality at some point this year.

That change came into fruition May 2015.

A while ago I began to notice things that were happening which commenced to alter my perception of many occurrences in life. Not everything is as it seems—and this has nothing to do with magic. This is life.

dividerChange is nothing new to me. I’ve been dealing with change—either willing or unwillingly—for many years. However, most of the time I’ve gone through the motions without acknowledging my own needs, wants or feelings about the matter. I merely coped with it, setting my emotions asides.

Somewhere along the line I learned to cruise through life, putting aside my emotions—I ambled around much of the time like a robot. Doing what I had to do, when I had to do it.

The last eight and a half years proved to be incredibly challenging, albeit not the hardest I’ve had to endure. However, there were some unexpected things that transpired which depleted my resolve in some ways. Funny enough, they also made it stronger in others.

Sometimes …

strangeThe years 2011, 2012 and 2014 won ‘The Medal for Hard Times‘ as it pertains to me.

At the end of 2014, I had a very long and interesting conversation with my best friend. It was a reality check, if you will. She told me that I was not being who I was meant to be, that I’d lost myself in translation and that I was much better, but my circumstances were holding me down.

She was right. Very right.

It was at that moment that I told her, “I need this to change. Please help me make it change.” Long story short, she did. I don’t want to get into too much detail about what happened as that’s not the point of this conversation. The point of this conversation was the eye opening experiences that have led me to fruitfulness and felicity.

I’m not a person that requires much. I really don’t. I’m not after money or fame, and silver or gold. All I want is peace of mind. Nothing more and nothing less. I work at my fullest capacity of productivity when I am basking in serenity’s bosom.

serenityI’d be a proper idiot if I thought that there are never going to be problems in life, however when you are at mental and emotional peace, the storms that life might bring only make you stronger. Yet, if your inner turbulence is more than your inner tranquility, then the storm will demolish you completely.

Here are some lessons that I’ve learned though life as I’ve been a first hand witness to them.

keep-calm-i-am-a-survivor--2I’ve survived:

  • Abuse
  • Neglect
  • Indifference
  • Transgression
  • Bullying
  • Poverty
  • Hunger
  • Sickness
  • Disrespect
  • Rape
  • Low Self-esteem
  • Loss
  • Coping with Dyslexia
  • Being the single parent of a disabled child
  • And too many more hardships to list here.

It certainly has not killed me, but I’d would be lying if I said that it made me stronger. As a matter of fact, it weakened my willpower.

Until that day.

That day, when my best friend gave me a wake up call and in nice words said, “This has to stop! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about it. Can’t you see everything that you’ve overcome! You can do this! YOU HAVE IT IN YOU!

When she opened my eyes to my inner strength, I opened my mind to the possibilities. She was my conscientiousness, my voice of reason at the most pivotal moment in my life.

changes-coming-2014I said, “You’re right! You’re absolutely right! I can and WILL do something about this!”

“At’a girl!” (<–paraphrasing) she replied.

divider

And you know what? I’ve learned some things.

  1. Not everyone you love knows how to love you back.
  2. Sometimes the ones you run to for refuge cannot give it and simply add to your strife.
  3. Listen to those whom TRULY want the best for you.
  4. Find anchorage in them for their strength will make you stronger.
  5. True inner peace comes from knowing you can, even if you sometimes think you can’t and loving yourself enough to do what’s best for you.
  6. Yes, by all means, give to the people you love, but being a little bit selfish from time to time does not make you a bad person.
  7. Stand up for yourself, and those who love you will stand beside you.

I’m so grateful for the wake up call she gave me. I am so, so thankful. For, had it not been for that, I could not come to you now and wholeheartedly say …

I AM FREE TO BE, AND MAKE OF MYSELF WHO I WANT TO BE!

happiness

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s